Text

September

The hard copies for the bathrooms are coming very soon. I’m trying to make them pretty. 

Text

September

They make a nice valley for nuzzling in

 

I’m “live action” Fabio

 

I’m just gonna rub your teeth until you feel better.

 

Underwear is now a limiting reagent

 

Damn you tiny mouse brains! Why won’t you stick together?

 

You could just keep it wet all the time and it’ll look pretty

 

Smith is oozing rainbows

 

There is 75% less hispanic presence in this house than last year

 

Our leetle Viking warrior

 

Double homo to a whole new level

 

If you want to be butch, build a chicken truck!

 

The only way to control women’s desires is to put them in the shade?

Tags: part 4
Text

September

I have 12 freds in my room

 

A: I hiccupped
B: You hate goats?!

 

I’m not ready to be your lusty queen of god yet.

 

A:What does parity mean? P-a-r-i-t-y.
B:Parity?  It means like a parrot!

 

Operation get laid!

 

I don’t even know when I consumed that much beverage

 

I rolled in some puddles, but you didn’t see me do it because they were sky puddles

 

I’ll be your handy dyke!

 

My pocket is hooting!

 

If you order pasta, prepare to get a small child

 

When you two argue about chem, I sometimes picture you as toddlers in sailor outfits

Tags: part 3
Text

September

Why am I sitting here when there’s a perfectly good womb?

 

I hoed

 

Your hair is brushing against my ass and it feels weird

 

"NO NO WE NEED TO MAKE A PLAN FOR TUMBLR DAY"

on trying to make plans for mountain day

 

You debauched my bosom!

 

You should buy porn

 

It’s like the big rainbow elephant in the room.

 

I thought you said you dropped your boobs

 

That looks like it hurt

 

Go for the trees because things are proportionate

 

That would be a new one: “Lesbian gets other lesbian a little pregnant”

Tags: part 2
Text

September

Our hand vaginas are touching

 

I didn’t know Sylvia Plath microwaved herself while I was reading it

 

Is he doing a llama thing?

 

This was the first day I scooped my boobs!

 

My bosom is at your service

 

Don’t be alarmed if you heard rhythmic pounding through the floor. I’m a drummer.

 

Someone already got that fortune in a potsticker—ugh, I mean fortune cookie

 

Why aren’t you the power tools type of lesbian?

 

I’ve always wanted to be in the popcorn bag

 

I don’t want to talk about your alley

 

Tags: part 1
Text

Text it

You guys, 

I’ve received only one Tyler Media text on the gmail account. Say more funny things. Text tylerhousemedia@gmail.com